Dear People,in general:

If you have not noticed, I don't give a fuck about what you think of me. Don't assume just because I am a nice person, does not mean i think about what YOU think of me. If you spend half of your time thinking about how i am suppose to be thinking of what you think of me, then deary, that's your fucking problem and issue. Take it somewhere who gives a damn fuck about what you think. Because, really, I don't give a shit fuck about what your perspective of me. If you give shit of what I think of you, sorry, because honestly, I dont give a shit about you, nor think about you. 

Thank you. And have a pleasant oh wait, fuck that. Fuck you. 

push & pull

Going up to Baguio, the road was very zigzag crazy road. That road was probably the most important part of our trip to the Philippines. I'll try to explain what I'm trying to say here. The road was very curvy, sharp winding curves. Jude and I was sitting next to each other. Everyone was silent, everyone was minding their own business. [My heart is about to burst typing this thing;] When the road started to become windy, Jude and I found each others hand without saying anything, locking eyes or non whatsoever. We just did. Every time the road curves to the right, he'll pull me to the left so that we'll "equilibirate" each other; [if that was a word, if not, I made it up]. Every time the road turns to the left, I'll pull him to the right. And all these pushing and pulling, was on the down low, all us felt it. And that's how it should be. I realized, that's how relationship should be. Give and take. I check you, you check me. I'm guilty. Yes. Because for a long time now, I've been spoiled by him. I've been pretty laid back in giving. Always taking and half assed giving. Like I said, that road was probably the most important part of our trip, well for the most part, mine. With no words needed, he knows how to center me, my whole being. Thanks road.

Bonnie diaries #1

Potty Trained

Awesome game poo face!

Dicks and balls

We love texting about dicks and balls. Lol. 

We just get each other just like that. 

left and right

Of my hand and feet people are breaking up. Nothing last forever but be honest babe... kind of song. No matter what your age is, or no matter what kind of relationship we are, one.key thing for it to work is "trying". Trying for everything. Try: -Communicating and see if everyone is on the same page -more understanding -lessening the pride -try not to keep hurtful feelings inside -etc etc etc... Sigh ....

Excitement

Can't hide. 

For thee first time in a very long time, I am going home to the motherland. 11 years. Wow. So long. I am scared and happy at the same time. For the first time, I am going to visit my mom's grave. So many times in a day, I always imagine what it would be like standing at her grave. What it would be like seeing her; everytime I stop and catch myself tearing up. 

Leaving Philippines was one of the most traumatic event of my life, thus standing there will be my defining moment of this trip. I have this guilt inside me that's been brewing inside: 

-I did not go home for my mom's funeral. 

-I did not try hard or did not try at all communicating with her. Just took her for granted. 

-Sometimes i think that I was not a good daughter to her when she was living. 

I have somany questions, I wanted to say so many things, I wanna say sorry and my list goes on. 

I feel like everytime I will breakdown. But I'm lucky coz I know, Jude will be there. I am happy because finally I am going to show my mom what kind of woman I turned out to be. I'm gonna bring my little Bonita to her. 

It will be mixed emotions I am 100% sure. 

So

So I have heard. A lot. That I am a funny good writer. I dunno why I stopped writting in the fist place. But i think, I'll try to start writing again. 

I hope I can keep up with my brains. As everyone knows, I'm pretty damn lazy son of a biatch. Hands down lazy, my brain works but working m-sat almost 120 hours full time, i don't have time sharing my thoughts. 

But trust me when i say i'm funny. I. Am. Funny. I am pretty interesting too. My mouth rants. Lol

I want to look back someday and read my thoughts. My childishness, my stupid, witty self. My situation and stuff. 

Life. My life. Don't care what people would say, or will say coz this is our house it's our rules. Go Miley!

Peace outs

Bonnie diaries #1

I decided Bonnie is too funny. So much she does and say are just too funny for Jude and I not to share.

I was looking at some Loubuotins shoes just for the heck of it,
Bonnie: mommy. Omg. Too much.

Hahahahahahahahaha. Idk how she knew, but yeah.

Coz when you never see the light

It's hard for us to know whoch ones is cavin...

Love that line. Riri, i like you for now.

Anger inside me

Is building up. Grrrrrr. Fck. I love Mr. But sometimes... Sometimes............. Sometimessssssss!!!!!!

We just sold my first car. The paseo. According to blue book, it cost at least a thousand. At least. Before we talked about selling it for $500 only (to the right person) mainly because HE only got it for $500 from a good friend. Okay, granted we want to sell it for $500, of course bargaining would still happen in the midst of the inspection. Would you believe, he told the buyer that we're selling it of only $500????? If you want $500, you gotta say at least $700 right??? Coz the buyer would still bargain for at least couple hundred or so. Right? But nooooooooooo!!!! He said $500 on the dot. I sometimes wonder if he think things through or not.

I'm not a selfish btch or anything, but men, we gotta hustle. We're paying for shit too. Though we only got the car for $500, if we could one up'd it. WHY NOT RIGHT?!!!!

Im fckin pissed AF. I don't know if I should tell him why I'm angry but the deal is done. My car is gone. We sold it for what it's worth.

Ahhh well. I'll get over it... Soon enough. Anyways. I still love you babe. .

Bye first car

I'm saying goodbye to my first car. :( my red paseo 92. Mr. Got it for me for beginning drivers car. I'm selling it because we don't need another car in our insurance policy. I'm sad to part with it, but I gots to.

Hope you're next owner will be better at taking care of you than me.

I gots to...

Start writing again. I have too much to say and my head is bursting with ideas and sht to discuss. Evocative stuff and bluff to argue. Aight let's see how far I can start writing again.