Excitement

Can't hide. 

For thee first time in a very long time, I am going home to the motherland. 11 years. Wow. So long. I am scared and happy at the same time. For the first time, I am going to visit my mom's grave. So many times in a day, I always imagine what it would be like standing at her grave. What it would be like seeing her; everytime I stop and catch myself tearing up. 

Leaving Philippines was one of the most traumatic event of my life, thus standing there will be my defining moment of this trip. I have this guilt inside me that's been brewing inside: 

-I did not go home for my mom's funeral. 

-I did not try hard or did not try at all communicating with her. Just took her for granted. 

-Sometimes i think that I was not a good daughter to her when she was living. 

I have somany questions, I wanted to say so many things, I wanna say sorry and my list goes on. 

I feel like everytime I will breakdown. But I'm lucky coz I know, Jude will be there. I am happy because finally I am going to show my mom what kind of woman I turned out to be. I'm gonna bring my little Bonita to her. 

It will be mixed emotions I am 100% sure. 

So

So I have heard. A lot. That I am a funny good writer. I dunno why I stopped writting in the fist place. But i think, I'll try to start writing again. 

I hope I can keep up with my brains. As everyone knows, I'm pretty damn lazy son of a biatch. Hands down lazy, my brain works but working m-sat almost 120 hours full time, i don't have time sharing my thoughts. 

But trust me when i say i'm funny. I. Am. Funny. I am pretty interesting too. My mouth rants. Lol

I want to look back someday and read my thoughts. My childishness, my stupid, witty self. My situation and stuff. 

Life. My life. Don't care what people would say, or will say coz this is our house it's our rules. Go Miley!

Peace outs